


Thunderstorm

by Lightning_Blue93



Category: Supernatural
Genre: And he can't always bottle it up, Angst, Cas is dealing with a lot of trauma, Cas possibly has PTSD after everything that happened, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, POV Switches, SPNStayAtHome, Sam Ships It, but Dean will do his best and help him, canon compliant without a certain timestamp, cw: pie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:13:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24237088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lightning_Blue93/pseuds/Lightning_Blue93
Summary: During their Shelter-At-Home time there's a Thunderstorm over Kansas and Cas is acting strange. Can Dean find out what's wrong and help Cas?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 1
Kudos: 60





	1. The Oncoming Storm

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a quick One-Shot just like the other Quarantiatus fics and ended up as a very deep Multi-Chapter piece. I still don't know what happened.
> 
> And this was possibly the most difficult fic to write yet, it took a lot of turns I didn't expect or plan, but I think I got a handle to it. Please, leave a comment ant tell me what you think of this, I'm really curious.

“And now to the weather forecast. Meteorologists say there’s a huge storm system building up over the eastern states that’ll unload right over Kansas over the next few days. Don’t panic, stock up on a few necessities and you’ll be fine. It’s not the apocalypse after all.”

The news guy gave his audience a wink when the program changed to commercials.

“Awesome, we’re gonna be locked in even more, besides this whole quarantine-crap.”

“Dean! This quarantine isn’t crap! There are very vulnerable people out there who will survive because we stayed put in the Bunker!” Cas scolded him, all the while not being too fond himself of the coming storm.

Ever since the falling of the angels and the loss of his wings, he’s reminded of the loss whenever he hears thunder. He just misses the effect the sound of thunder gave the whole ‘showing his wings’ thing. It was mostly just to show off, the thunder clapping wasn’t necessary, but being an angel had some advantages and angels are full of themselves so a little show-off is just their thing.

But still, whenever he heard thunder he thought of his wings and it hurt. A lot. So he usually went away when there was a storm coming so he could suffer in private, but with the whole quarantine ordeal going on, going away wasn’t an option. He had to find a way to suffer in silence.

The wind took up over the next few days and by the second day light rain started to fall which then turned into pouring rain by the third day. The wind got to storm speed and although the clouds have been dark for a while, now they got pitch black. It was starting.

When the first clap of thunder echoed through the bunker Cas was sitting in the library, trying but failing to read a book on Siren lore.

“I’m gonna go take a shower and maybe rest for a while. See you later.” he got up and walked in the direction of the bedrooms. He had no intention to actually do any of the activities he just told Sam and Dean, but he had to get away from them before he lost his cool about this storm.

* * *

“Did that seem weird to you, too?” Dean asked his brother with furrowed brows.

“He’s been acting strange since this storm was announced on the news. You think that’s a coincidence?”

“Dean, when is anything about Cas a coincidence. Maybe he’s just afraid of storms and doesn’t wanna lose his strong face. If you’re so worried, why don’t you go and ask him?”

Sam looked up from his book and expectantly at Dean.

“I don’t know. Seemed like he wanted to be left alone.” Dean replied and sat back in his armchair, Laptop on his lap but not actually doing anything with it.

After about 15 Minutes of mindless scrolling through Reddit and Tumblr (seriously, those Supernatural fans had awesome ideas about gadgets), a few more loud thunderclaps and Cas not returning to the library Dean got worried. Sure, Cas said he wanted to rest, but who sleeps during a thunderstorm?

“I’m gonna go look after Cas. Something smells fishy about this.”

Sam only replied with a barely audible hum of acknowledgement and Dean walked towards Cas’ bedroom. It was on the very end of the hallway, but Cas insisted on it.

When he was almost at the door, Dean could hear faint whimpering coming from the bedroom, almost like someone was in pain.

With 2 large strides he was at the door and opened it without knocking. The view he had broke his heart.

Cas was crouching at the foot of his bed, his head between his knees, his arms over his head and was apparently shaking violently.

“Cas!” It was barely more than a whisper, but Cas apparently heard him since he turned his head so fast it was a miracle he didn’t pull a muscle.

“Dean, what are you doing here?” Cas’ voice was rough, and shaky, and barely audible.

He rushed over to his best friend and crouched down, touching him wherever he could, trying to ground the other man.

“Cas, Buddy, what’s going on, are you hurt? Talk to me!”

Cas grabbed Dean’s arms so hard it hurt, but Dean didn’t show any of it.

“It - it hurts, Dean!”   
“Where? Where does it hurt, tell me what I can do.” Dean tried to stay calm, but the obvious distress his friend was in made his stomach cramp and he had trouble breathing.

“It’s - it’s not physical, Dean. I’m not actively hurt.” Cas wiped his face with his sleeve.

“It’s the emotional pain I can’t deal with. I can heal wounds in seconds, but the wounds on my soul just won’t heal. No matter how much time goes by.”   
“Cas, I can’t follow, what are you talking about?”

There was a loud clap of thunder and Dean caught a glimpse of the burnt remains of Cas’ once gorgeous wings.

“My wings, Dean. I’m missing my wings so much it hurts! I used to look forward to thunderstorms because I could bring my wings over to this plane without anyone noticing, because it would be covered by the storm, so now every time there’s a thunderstorm I get reminded of what I’ve lost and it just  _ hurts so much _ !”   
Cas started sobbing again, so Dean sat down besides him and pulled him into a tight hug.

There wasn’t really anything he could do about this. He couldn’t take the pain away from him, he knew how much mental wounds can hurt, but there was no pain killer for that.

So Dean started talking. About the storms he and Sam sat through as kids, how they would make S’Mores over the burner of the gas stove when the power went out, how they would tell each other stories while holding a flashlight under their chin, so the face would look creepy, how they would hide under blankets when it was a really bad storm and Sam would get scared. Dean left out the detail that he was scared, too, but kept his brave face for his brother’s sake. How they would go out as soon as the storm was over to breath in the fresh petrichor smell they both loved so much.

After a while of talking Dean notices Cas had calmed down a little. He wasn’t shaking anymore and the crying had subsided.

He carefully opened his arms, so Cas could sit up again.

He wiped his face once again to get rid of the remains of his tears.

“Thank you, Dean. Thank you for staying and for looking for me in the first place. I usually seek solitude when there’s a storm coming so no one sees me like this. Being this vulnerable is - hard for me to cope with. I’m not used to such strong emotions. But I guess being cut off from heaven for an extended amount of time will do that to you. You slowly become more human, with the good feelings and the bad ones.” he looked at his hands, like there was more to say, but he doesn’t want to.

Dean gently grabs Cas' chin, turning his face to meet his.

“Cas, hey. I can see there’s more to that. Please talk to me, I’m really worried about you.”

He stroked Cas’ cheek with his thumb, not quite ready to let go of that shadow of the man he thought he knew.

“It’s…” Cas started, but had to clear his throat first.

“It all started a few months after I was cut off of heaven. I noticed I could...feel things, things my angel self used to suppress but couldn’t do so anymore. In the beginning it was just small stuff like hunger or thirst or even sadness. I still didn’t  _ need _ to eat, but the vessel would crave things from time to time. Like sweets or Burgers.” he stopped talking and looked like he was contemplating if he should continue talking. But since he had already started he finished his rambling.

“But then there were completely new feelings. Like lust, longing - love.” there was a pause before he said the last word. Like he didn’t want to admit that particular feeling. He almost seemed like he was ashamed of feeling it.

“And sometimes all of those feelings were overshadowed by that dreadful sadness and feeling of loss. There were times when it would just suddenly roll over me and I would almost choke on the sensation. Sometimes it was worse, sometimes not as strong, but it always took me by surprise.”   
Dean grabbed Cas’ hands and squeezed them a little.

“Cas, why didn’t you ever say something? You went through helluva lot with us since you dragged my sorry ass out of hell and died more times than I wanna think about. That had to leave a few scars. And unfortunately ignoring those scars doesn’t do shit to lessen the pain. Quite the contrary actually, the more you ignore them, the more it’ll hurt the next time around, I know what I’m talking about. Which is why I started to actually open up to Sam from time to time. He probably hates me for all the crap I lay on him, but he can do the same with me if he needs to, so we’re even. Maybe we should come to a similar arrangement? I rant to you when Sam can’t deal with my shit and you can come and lay all your crap on me. Does that sound like a deal to you?”

Dean smiled brightly at Cas whose face turned to stone.

“No!” There wasn’t even a hint of sadness left on his face, it was all rage and anger now.

“Thank you for the offer, but I can deal with this myself. I don’t need your help. And I’m feeling better now that the storm has passed, you can leave now.”

Cas abruptly stood up, leaving Dean with the sudden cold of the empty space besides him on the floor.

“Uh, did I say something wrong? I just tried to help.”

“I don’t need your help, Dean. Don’t judge me based on your own standards. You have no idea what I’ve been through. I’d like to be alone, now, so please. Leave.”

Cas walked over to the door which was still slightly afar, Dean didn’t bother with closing it when he had seen Cas on the floor, and held it open, so Dean could go.

“I’m sorry, Cas. I don’t know what I said to upset you, but I apologize.”   
“Just go, please.”

A few moments later Dean entered the library again where Sam was still hunched over his Laptop and at least 3 books.

“You’ve been gone for a while. Everything alright?”   
“Seriously? I have no idea.”


	2. After The Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of internal Monologue and Cas trying to get a hold on his feelings.

Sam closed his Laptop and looked sternly at Dean.

“Why? What happened?”   
“I - I don’t know, okay? I went to his room, he was a mess, worse than I’ve ever seen him, I tried to calm him down which worked for a while, then I offered him an arrangement similar to our, since he seemed like he could need someone to talk to, and that’s when he threw me out of his room. I really don’t know what I did or said that pissed him off that much.”

Dean played with his fingers, it pulled him back to Cas’ room, but crowding him was probably the wrong direction.

“Did he say what was troubling him if he was as agitated as you said?”   
“He did. But it’s not my place to tell you I guess. It’s quite personal. And a whole lot of messed up” He sighed and slumped on the sofa, hiding his face in his hands.

“It’s just - it almost hurt seeing him like that, but not being able to actually help him, ya know?”

Since he still had his face in his hands, Dean couldn’t see the soft expression on Sam’s. It almost seemed like Sam knew something Dean didn’t.

“Maybe just give him a few days to fully calm down and then talk to him again. I’m sure it was just a heat of the moment thing. He cares about you, you know that, right?”

“Yeah, I could see it in the way he threw me out of his room. But I’ll keep my distance for a while. If he needs something, he can come to me.”   
Dean stood up and left the library. He tried to decide between taking Baby for a ride, but after the storm the streets were probably not in their best condition so he beelined for the kitchen or rather the kitchen’s pantry. Since he didn’t have anything better to do he grabbed all the ingredients he needed for a pie crust and started baking.

He still remembered his mother’s pie crust recipe from all the times they baked together when he was a child, they were some of his favourite memories.

Like he was on autopilot he mixed eggs, sugar, butter, flour and the rest in a large bowl before he covered the dough in cling wrap and put it in the fridge to cool for a few hours. After the dough was prepared he went back into the pantry to look for a suitable filling. Apple pie was his favourite, but he’d need a very specific type of apple to make it just the way he liked it, and they didn’t have any of those lying around. But he knew the fancy organic produce store in town had those all year round.

He went into his room to grab his keys and shouted a quick “Be back in a few” to Sam, who was still sitting in the library, before he went over to the bunker’s garage and left behind Baby’s steering wheel.

* * *

“Sam, can I talk to you for a minute?”

Sam flinched, startled by the voice besides him.

“Cas, I didn’t hear you come in. Yeah, sure, what’s up. Dean just left.”   
“Yeah, I know. I heard the garage door fall into it’s latch, it’s actually why I came out. I wanted to talk to you. Alone.”   
Cas sat down opposite Sam, supporting his head with his hand. He looked like he hasn’t slept in weeks. Which - to be fair - he hadn’t but he also doesn’t have to, usually at least.

“I don’t think I can stay here much longer. After the quarantine is over obviously.”

Sam put his Laptop away and turned to face Cas.

“What do you mean you can’t stay? Why? Is it because of what happened with Dean?”

“What did he tell you?” While Cas’ face was sorrowful when he came into the room, it was now quickly changing to angry.

“Nothing, Cas, really. He just mentioned you’re dealing with a lot, but he can’t tell me more because it’s personal.So I don’t know anything about what’s going on unless you tell me.”

He softly laid his hand over Cas’ arm on the table.

“Will you? Tell me?”

“I - I can’t, Sam. It would complicate things. I just - I can’t stay here for extended amounts of time.I’ll come by from time to time to help with hunts, but I won’t be living here anymore. It just - hurts too much.” Cas pulls his arm free from Sam’s touch and leans back in the chair.

“Cas, please tell me what’s going on? What hurts too much? Has Dean done something to you? Did he hurt you?” he was abruptly cut off.

“NO! Dean has done nothing. Nothing at all.” The last 3 words were barely a whisper.

“Cas, may I ask you something? Something rather personal?”

Cas looked up, a puzzled look on his face.

“Uh, sure. But it’ll depend on the question if I answer.”

“Are you in love with Dean?”

Cas didn’t say anything, but he didn’t have to. His eyes went wide and he took in a sharp breath.

“I knew it.” Sam had to be careful not to look too smug about this ‘new’ insight. He had suspected something like that for quite some time. It seemed like everyone noticed how much Dean and Cas meant to each other. Everyone but them.

“Is this why you want to leave? Because you’re pining for Dean but think you can’t have him?”   
Cas sighed and nodded.

“Cas, that’s not the solution, believe me. I’m pretty sure you mean more to Dean than he knows himself. He was really shaken up when you threw him out earlier. He’s  _ baking _ for god’s sake. He hasn’t baked in  _ years _ and he usually only does so when he’s really agitated and needs to think about something. And I’m almost sure that something is you or rather your behavior. Please, don’t leave. You’ll never know what could be if you go now.”

They both hear the garage door open and Dean shouting: “Lucy, I’m home!” through the hallway.

They both start laughing at that dumb joke. It took way too long to explain Cas what it meant when he did that the first time. Now Cas just smiles fondly whenever he hears it, when he’s alone at least.

“Thank you, Sam. I’ll rethink my decision.”

Cas stood up but stayed in the library until Dean was back in the kitchen and he didn’T have to worry about meeting him in the hallway. He wasn’t quite ready yet for that.

Was there really a possibility Dean could also have deeper romantic feelings for him? It was almost too good to be true.

* * *

Dean wasted a lot of time in the store looking for the most perfect specimen of apple, without even the slightest nicks or bruises. Since he had to cut them down it was rather unnecessary, but something about that whole ordeal with Cas was still bothering him.

He mentioned he began to feel love and Dean wondered who he was talking about. Maybe Hannah, they seemed to have quite the close relationship. He sure as hell wasn’t talking about April, she tried (and for a few very, very horrible moments managed) to kill him.   
Dean envied whomever Cas was talking about.

He had known pretty early on he was developing feelings for the Angel. But of course, he was Dean Winchester after all, he shoved those feelings deep, deep down into the deepest hole in his brain, he could find. Then he was sent back to 1944 and oh boy, meeting Eliot Ness in person was a whole different ordeal. Besides the fact he basically worshipped the guy, he was way more attractive than the pictures gave him credit for.

And of course he’ll never forget his ‘gay thing’; what that Bass guy did to him was class A catfishing, and he actually fell for it. He was more embarrassed he fell for the catfishing than that he fell for catfishing from a guy. He has always seen himself as straight, but there were a few guys that definitely piqued his interest.

But everything was different with Cas. He didn’t just deem him attractive, he cared for him on a really deep level, almost as much as he cared for Sam. It hurts him in his inner core when he has to see him in distress and knows he can’t help him. He craved his touch whenever they were in the same room and he stole a lingering hand as often as he dared to.

But now knowing that Cas had someone he loved, especially if it’s not reciprocated the way he talked about it, wasn’t something that Dean could just shrug off.

But maybe the pie could lighten the mood a little. He had mixed the filling while being absorbed in his thoughts and set it aside. He took the dough out of the fridge, which was now just cool enough to roll out evenly and not stick too much, but also not too cool so it’ll break. He lined the pie tin with dough and filled it to the brim with the filling. The last two scoops that wouldn’t fit he just ate plain from the bowl.

Now to the lattice crust. He had a specific pattern in mind, but that would take a while. It’s not like anyone would actually miss him while he’s baking. Sam knows better than to interrupt him and Cas won’t talk to him in a while after what went down earlier.

He rolled out the rest of the dough and cut it in thin stripes. He tried with different starting points until he found one where he could lay down the stripes so they form an alveolar pattern. With the last little bit of crust dough he formed a small bee which he then put on the middle of the pie.

He had already preheated the oven, so he put the pie in and set a timer on his phone.

He filled the sink with soapy water and started doing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen after he made quite the mess with his baking.

Just when he had put away the last bowl the alarm on his phone went off. He opened the oven door and looked at the golden-brown perfection of an apple pie. He took the oven mitts from their hook on the wall and carefully took the pie out of the oven and turned it off.

The pattern turned out amazing and even the bee kept its shape.

If that pie didn’t show Cas he was sorry about earlier than he doesn’t know what would. He looked at the clock and realized the whole baking process took about 5 hours and it was already almost 11 pm. The big apology had to wait until tomorrow then. Cas might not have to sleep, but the pie was still hot and he wanted Cas to try it right on the spot, but feeding him scorching hot pie probably wouldn’t do good on the Cas-Is-Angry-At-Dean scale.

Dean put the pie in a safe spot in the pantry where no one could easily and accidentally knock it off so it could slowly cool and went to bed.

He dreamed of bees and cake. Not the worst dream he ever had.


	3. Escape to the Stars

When Cas left his room again the whole bunker smelled like baked apples and butter. He almost felt bad that he had unsettled Dean so much he started stress-baking. But maybe it had helped him dealing with the situation.

He himself had been sitting on his bed all night contemplating whether he should stay and confess to Dean what he’s feeling for him, or if he should just run.

Fight or flight. It’s funny how it always comes down to those two options. Well, technically there was also a third one, but staying and  _ not _ telling Dean what he felt would just be torture and he can’t deal with that anymore. He was terribly afraid he could lose his friendship with Dean if he told him about his feelings and they weren’t reciprocated. But his conversation with Sam the day before gave him hope. If the thought that Cas was mad at him worried Dean enough he had to distract himself, maybe there were actually some deeper feelings for Cas buried behind the facade of the stoic hunter.

He just wasn’t sure if he should wait for Dean to come to him or if he should make the first step and apologize for his behavior the day prior. This whole situation was new to him and he just felt overwhelmed by all the different emotions and sensations. It’s not like he missed feeling more or less numb all the time, but sometimes he just goes into sensory overload and doesn’t know how to deal with everything that’s happening to him. 

But he knew one thing. He had to tell Dean about his feelings. He couldn’t live the rest of his life wondering ‘what if’.

But he would let Dean come to him. He was pretty cross to him yesterday and now felt bad for his defensive reaction. If it was the other way round he would need some time to think about the situation and how to approach further. He just hoped Dean wouldn’t take too long. Patience was a virtue he always had trouble with. But he would do his best.

* * *

Dean struggled to sleep all night long. He tossed and turned and only fell asleep early in the morning when, if he had a window he had seen, the sun was already rising again. But even though he was tired as hell he only slept for about 4 hours and didn’t feel too rested, but he just couldn’t fall back asleep. So he went over to the kitchen to make some coffee. A look at the clock told him it was 9am, a later than he usually got up, but still way too early considering when he fell asleep. He got the coffee started and went over to the pantry to check on his pie. It still looked gorgeous. Maybe even a little better now that it’s cooled and set. He really hoped Cas would like the pie as an apology. He just didn’t know when to approach him. Cas seemed really riled up yesterday. Maybe he should talk to Sam. His brother always knew the answers to his problems. Or at least tried to help him find the answers. 

He poured two cups of coffee and put sugar and a little creamer in one of them, then took both and went over to Sam’s room.

He tried knocking, but with the cups in his hand, he couldn’t so he just opened the door. Thankfully Sam was fully clothed and under the covers, but still asleep.

He put the cup for Sam down on his nightstand and shook him slightly.

“Rise and Shine, Sammy!” he called and Sam woke up with a look of dread in his eyes.

Just then Dean remembered the time Gabriel had made him die over and over again and he woke Sam with that exact phrase every day.   
Great, now he felt even worse for scaring his brother.   
“Sorry Sam, I forgot. I’m not dying. At least I don’t think I am.”   
“Dean, what’s - what’s going on, what time is it?”

“9.15 or so, doesn’t matter.”   
“It matters to me, I was up until like 4 am reading up on Chupacabra lore. I’m beat, Dean, why did you wake me?”

Welp, that didn’t help making him feel better.

“I’m sorry Sam, really. But I need my brother for a minute.”   
“Is this about Cas? Did he talk to you?”   
“No, why would he talk to me? Did he say something to you? Did he say why he was so angry at me?” Dean sounded almost hopeful.

“No Dean, I’m sorry. Go on, what’s up?” That was a blatant lie, but interfering in their own ways of dealing wouldn’t be the best idea.   
“I mean you’re - you’re right, this is about Cas. While I was with him yesterday, he mentioned something. Something that - that I didn’t expect and that made me realize something. Something I was suppressing for so long I almost forgot about it, but when Cas told me he loved someone sometimes since the Angels fell…” he paused and let his head droop.

“It hurt, Sammy, it fucking hurt. It was like my gut was on fire and I’m almost sure my heart skipped a beat or two. I - I - I don’t know Sam...I think I’m - I think I’m in love with Cas, Sam.”   
Dean looked up and was flabbergasted. Sam was grinning like an idiot.

“Sam, what the hell? Are my problems really that funny to you?”   
“No, no of course not, Dean. I just - I think you should go talk to Cas.”   
“What? Didn’t you listen to what I just said? Cas is in love with someone else and you say I should just confess my undying love for him? Yeah, that’s not gonna happen.”   
“Whatever, Dean. I don’t care what  _ you _ are gonna tell him, but maybe you should wait for what  _ he _ has to say.”

“Do you know something I don’t know? If so could you please just tell me already?”

“Nope, how did you phrase it? ‘It’s not my place to tell’. Just go talk to the guy. I’m almost sure he’s already waiting for you.” He grabbed his mug and it was obvious he wasn’t gonna say anything else.

Dean knew about as much or little as before. 

But he could as well try what Sam suggested. So he went over to the pantry, got the cake and two forks, and walked over to Cas' bedroom. 

He could hear faint music from inside and after a few seconds of listening, he noticed it must be the Mixtape he once made for Cas. He knocked and the music stopped immediately - damn Angels - and a faint “Come in” came from the other side of the door.

He used his elbow to press the door latch down and his shoulder to open the door. When he looked up and at Cas whose face showed equal amounts of fear, joy and sorrow. 

“Heya Cas.” Dean said softly and a small smile crossed Cas’ face.   
“Hello Dean, come in.” he said and waved his hand inside.

Dean stepped into the room and stood then shyly in front of the dresser.

“I made pie.” He eventually said and lifted said pie a little to emphasise his words.

“That’s nice, Dean. I’m sure it’ll taste lovely.” His smile now looked a tad less happy.

“Uh, fuck.” he whispered. “No, Cas, I meant - I made pie  _ for you _ .” He held out his hands to show the lattice crust and the small bee on top of it.

Cas’ face lit up immediately.

“Thank you, Dean! But why would you do that? The way I treated you yesterday, I deserve pretty much everything  _ but _ pie.”

“I’d say that’s on me to decide, don’t you think? And I wanted to apologize, I shouldn’t have pried the way I did. There are obviously things I don’t know about you and that’s totally fine. Sometimes brothers don’t tell each other everything. And you basically are our brother, right?” he smiled brightly at Cas whose smile quickly began to fade.

“Dean.” He began, but stopped himself soon after.

“Hey, Cas, what’s up? Did I say something wrong again?” He stuck the forks into the pie, grabbed Cas arm and led them both to the bed where they sat down.

“Dean, you didn’t say something wrong, you’re just saying what’s true. For you at least.” The last few words were only whispered.

“What do you mean: ‘For me at least’? Do you see that differently? Don’t you see yourself as our brother after everything we’ve been through?” Dean got scared. Was he really that close to losing the one person he felt connected to so deeply?

“I - Dean.” he sighed and let his head droop.

“I do feel like a brother. To Sam. But not to you.”

Dean felt like he couldn’t breathe anymore. Was he misjudging Cas feelings that much? Is this really going to be goodbye? He tried to look calm, but he wasn’t sure if he managed to do so.

“Dean, don’t panic, I didn’t mean it like I care less about you. Quite the contrary actually.” he took a deep breath and straightened his back.

“There’s something I have to tell you, Dean, and if that means you don’t wanna see me anymore that’s okay, I’ll leave immediately, but please let me finish talking first.”   
Dean sat up a bit more straight, still majorly confused but ready for everything that Cas might wanna say.

“I’m in love with you, Dean. I’ve probably been since the very beginning, but I only felt it after I became human and my angelic grace wasn’t suppressing all my human emotions anymore. And then you threw me out of the bunker and kept your distance and I was sure you’d never want me like that, so  _ I _ kept my distance. But I can’t do that anymore. I can’t live like this anymore. It hurts too much, Dean, and the more my grace is fading the more -”   
He couldn’t finish his sentence, for there was a fork of  _ delicious _ pie in his mouth. He looked very much confused at Dean, whose face was expressing equal amounts of anger and joy and at least a little bit of fondness.

“My turn, Cas. First of all:  _ You goddamn IDIOT _ ! Why do you always just assume shit and not fucking  _ talk _ about it? What if I told you I’ve been pining for you for  _ years _ and was devastated when you mentioned you experienced love and I thought you meant someone else. What would’ve happened if Sam hadn’t told me to come talk to you`, huh? You would’ve just up and left?”   
Since Cas had finished his mouthful of pie he interrupted.

“Wait, Sam had told you to come talk to me? You talked to Sam?”   
“Uh, yeah, obviously. He’s my brother, I always come to him when I’m upset. Why you asking?”   
“Because I talked to Sam yesterday. He was the one who told me to tell you how I felt before leaving.”   
“When did you talk to him?” Dean was curious.

“While you were out buying something. I just wanted to say goodbye to him, but he made me stay.”   
“That bastard. He was planning this all along. Maybe we weren’t as subtle about our feelings for each other as we thought. I’m gonna kill the guy. He knew all along what was going on but wouldn’t tell me. I outright asked if he knew something. I’m gonna go kill him.” Dean shoved the pie into Cas’ hands and stood up.

When he reached the door he turned around, walked back to Cas and pressed a hard kiss on his lips.

When he leaned back again he licked his lips and hummed in approval of the taste of the pie that was still lingering on Cas’ lips. Then he turned around again to go rip his brother a new one.

Cas was still sitting on the bed, dumbfounded about what just happened when Dean returned and started kissing him again. He wasn’t gonna complain though.


End file.
